SAHM – Sanity and Humor Mandatory

Today was a good day. A real good day.

Why?

Because for me, a good day means all housework is done on time, I get time to relax for a few hours, I don’t yell at my kids, they don’t get on my nerves and basically, everything goes the way they’re supposed to.

But a real good day means my kids still do get on my nerves but I don’t yell at them for being kids.

It was really something that Mohen said to me the other day.

We were just hanging out in the kitchen, having our ritual coffee before bed. Well, coffee for him and apple juice for me since I don’t take coffee while I’m carrying. And so we were telling each other how each of our day went. Mohen would ask how were the kids and what did they do on that day. Usually I see this as my daily domestic report to keep him in touch with the family despite being away from home a lot because of his work.

But somehow our conversation last night struck a different chord in me.

I have no idea what triggered it but I guess it was just an epiphany, for a lack of a better word. This morning I woke up and the first thing that came to my mind was the conversation I had with Mohen about how our kids were doing the day before.

I started thinking about what they did the whole day – playing with each other, a little screaming to win over their favorite toy, spilled water on the floor, cookies crumbs on the book pages, few episodes of crying, strewn toys all over the place, snacking between meals; basically nothing they have never done before.

Then I started thinking about how I reacted to these.

I lost my temper when Eros had cookie crumbs all over the book that he was reading despite me giving him a plate to catch the crumbs with. I yelled when the water spilled all over the floor because he placed his cup too close to the edge of the table, I scolded Eros and Sophia for screaming at each other because they were fighting over a toy.

At the back of my head, I know that the way I reacted was really base on the reason to have everything in perfect order.

I don’t want cookie crumbs all over my son’s book because I am an anal bibliophile. He’s 3. He doesn’t even know what a bibliophile is. It’s great enough that he’s interested to read at all.

I yelled when the water spilled because I just mopped the floor and I hate having to do it again. He didn’t do it on purpose. He’s 3 and was eager to get back to the cartoon he was watching.

I scolded my kids for fighting over a toy because it was too noisy and I was trying to read. He’s 3 and she’s 10months old.

All of a sudden I felt really, really foolish. No, wait. I was being too nice to myself – I felt stupid, really.

I can’t believe that I allowed myself to be dragged into behaving childishly over things that are out of a toddler’s control.

I mean, how much can Eros really behave as a mature adult when he’s barely 4 and how quiet can Sophia be when she’s 10months old and learning to talk? Everything they do is because they are growing up. Not because they are bad kids or they are trying to get on my nerves.

Okay, I know toddlers are at that stage where they will try to push you just to see how worse can certain things get just to satisfy their burning curiosity. But as a parent, I should’ve realized that my son is only 3 years old.

I can’t stress enough how foolish it feels to know a 3 year old get to beat you.

So today I decided to do things differently. Before my kids woke up, I told myself these few things:

1. No matter what they do, it’s because they are kids. Not because they are trying to pick a fight with me.

2. If anything goes wrong, it’s not because they are wrong. It’s because it didn’t happen the way I want them to.

When they are not fighting, Eros and Sophia are the best of friends.

Eros had some M&Ms while he watched cartoon. I always put his snacks in a small cup so he doesn’t finish everything in one day. When he wanted to return the cup to the kitchen, he placed it on the kitchen counter but it missed and the remaining candies scattered everywhere.

He shot me a worried look because I will usually yell at him.

Instead, I shook my head and told him to be more careful the next time. Eros almost didn’t believe it was me for he stopped to look at me for a few seconds. He said “Okay!,” cheerfully and went back to the living room.

Me? All I had to do was pick up the candies and give the floor a quick wipe. No yelling, no stress – nothing.

Later in the evening Eros and Sophia was getting bored and started fighting over toys. I was reading on the couch and it was starting to get on my nerves. I tried to stay calm for as long as I could just to see how much I can take.

When I feel like yelling, I called their names firmly and asked what was going on  even though I know I won’t get a straight answer, what more from a baby. But that was enough to get their attention so I told them that there are plenty of toys to go around and that they should share.

Eros grumbled a little but he let Sophia played with his toy truck while he picked up another action figure. After a few seconds, Sophia lost interest in the toy truck and went to play with the bricks, Eros took the truck and started playing on his own.

No screaming, no crying, no yelling – nothing.

Me? I went back to reading and managed to finish 4 chapters before it was time for their evening bath.

During dinner, Eros was drinking and talking at the same time so his drink spilled onto his pajamas. Of course on any other day, I would scream at him because I don’t want to change him again and it would be a waste to put a fresh pajama in the laundry hamper.

Today, I laughed because it was really funny watching him trying to talk with a mouthful of water. He laughed too and wanted to do it again because he thought I approved of what he did. I didn’t yell, if that was what you thought I did. Although I did laugh the first time, the second time he tried to do it, I told him firmly that it wasn’t a funny thing to do and I don’t want him to wet his pajama.

No screaming, no spoiled dinnertime – nothing.

Me? I went back to listening to Eros talking and we finished our dinner in peace.

By changing the way I reacted to what my kids are doing, I managed to stay stress free and my kids seem to be happier too.

Eros is really cooperative and helpful with the simple house chores today. Sure he has a few episodes of retaliation but I thought I handled them pretty well. He listens to my instructions more willingly when I’m not the “Yelling Mom“ and I do get more things done today than I did the whole week. Sophia is well, 10 months old so I can’t say much about her.

By the time my kids are in bed for the day, I actually feel better about myself and truly feel happy about being a mother.

I mean, I’ve always love being a mother but today, it make me realize that I can actually really do this without being as stressed out as so many people said mothers with toddlers are.

I’m really glad that I realized this now and not when my kids are teenagers and they’ve known me as the Yelling Mom all their childhood. I know now how to handle my own anger and not lash it out on my kids just because they are being kids and not doing things the way I want.

I will try to practice this everyday from now on and hope it will too soon become a second nature to me. Just like when I first adapted to being an SAHM after I quit work. I know it takes time but I believe in my own capability to know that it’ll be something that I can do.

And just in case you’re still wondering, SAHM actually stands for “stay at home mother” but yes, sanity and humor are mandatory in being one.

Stay Curious, Stay In Love

It’s funny how my previous post was about being all in love with your partner even through a hectic and demanding life that Yahoo! should feature a somewhat similar article about relationship the very next day.

It talks about the infamous Seven-Year Glitch, where after seven years into a relationship, couples tend to be, quote – “disenchanted with their relationship and tempted to stray” en quote.

However, according to the article, nowadays things may seem to stray even after just 3 years. It’s known as the Three-Year Itch. After the third year, real life starts to sink in where financial obligations are becoming more and more demanding, properties and assets are considered and investments and insurances are made, especially if couples start to have family.

This is the reason why I didn’t want to (previously) get into a relationship.

Not that I have fear of commitment or wants to be saved from sharing life’s obligations with someone and all that, I simply just didn’t want to be bored with that one person.

When my parents started dating.

I remembered asking my parents when I was a teenager, how do they go about living their lives with each other for so many years? I wonder about things they talk about. Don’t they ever run out of topics? Don’t they think they will be bored with the person’s same mentality throughout their whole life?

First of all, my mom said that there’s always things to talk about because things kept happening around you and time changes. You will always have something new to discuss and talk about so that’s not something I should worry about.

Then she said if you should already know or at least, able to see a person’s mentality before you decide to get married. So it shouldn’t be a surprise to you when you’re finally living your lives together. Unless that person’s IQ suddenly drop way below 70, then you don’t have much to worry about.

And one thing that she told me after that that I think I’d remember until I’m old and will pass on to my kids and grandchildren was that, you should never be surprised with your partner’s sudden revelation of a character you didn’t know they possess.

A lot of us tend to spend sometime dating someone before we decide to get married. So some of this dating time can last from 3months to even 10years. I admit that there’s not much you can learn about a person in 3months no matter how an open book you think they are and there’s probably nothing else left to find out should you be with a person for 10years before getting married.

My parents now. Still married and in love after 27 years.

But my mom said, there will always be something new that you will discover about your partner. Especially before, during or after an argument.

And by something new, I think my mom is indirectly telling that it’s usually a negative thing that you will discover. Of course good sides can emerge after having an argument but so far in my own experience, I usually learn the ugly sides of us.

Mohen and I have just passed the 3 years threshold and I admit, there were times I thought our passion has waned or that the heat has somehow cooled down and we’ve fallen into the routine footsteps of committed couple.

Whenever we argue or something bad happened, I always wonder why I bother being in a relationship. I can’t imagine why would I submit myself to such mental torture and unnecessary heartache where I can live by myself and not worry about anything else except for where should I go for dinner later.

Then I realized that that’s the irrational me talking. The one that sometimes think I should be a free bird instead of being in a relationship that’s obviously the best thing that ever happened to me.

I realized how I’ve stick to this relationship, how much I’ve fought to be in it, how I’ve hold on even when I’m convinced I really shouldn’t anymore and above all, how much I really truly feel that I want to be with Mohen no matter how I sometimes want to strangle him.

Although it has only been 3 years, I feel that I’ve learnt some pretty strong basics to gear me up for the many more years ahead of us. I may not be an expert on relationships and probably the last person to be playing Dr. Phil but I think as someone who is apart of a new relationship and a young partner-mother, these much I can share:

• Do things just because – I love preparing special dinner for Mohen just because he’s been working late for many weeks. Even though it’s not his or my birthday or our anniversary, I will text him early in the evening saying that I’ve something special prepared for him and I would love for him to be back early for that one night only. It gives me thrill to cook up his favorite meal, select and download romantic songs that we both love, put up candles around the house and probably get me a nice new dress to greet him in. It’s the warmth and atmosphere of the night that will make us remember how much we love each other’s company and how important it is to stop and be with each other in the middle of a hectic schedule, even if it means just for one dinner
• Prioritize date nights – Although this is something my mom don’t quite get, it is very important to sometimes leave the children with a sitter and go out just the two of you. My mother is more domesticated than I am so she has this guilty conscience of going out without her children. But for me, I need to feel that the relationship is about Mohen and I, not with the kids. We, of course, have several different types of relationship even among family so I need to be with Mohen just as he is, not as a father to my children. We’ll go out, have dinner, catch a movie, or perhaps a long night cap at a bar; it doesn’t matter. Just as long as we’re together just the two of us, like how we used to be before we start having a life together
• Be curious – I always ask Mohen about his day, ask more questions if it seems like a good day, wait few hours before asking what’s wrong if it isn’t. Or ask him about his favorite sports even if I don’t really understand when he explains it. It makes me feel nice to see him talk about something so enthusiastically
• Take things with a pinch of salt - When Mohen comes home and tell me things about work or about people he meets, I do feel left out. More than feeling left out, I feel as though I’m growing obsolete in his eyes. What I tell  myself each time is that it’s part of the our lives that we can’t avoid that no matter how strong we are together, there will always be certain part of our lives that differ. So I take things lightly and when certain stories start to annoy me, I will tell myself to relax and instead feel good about the fact that at least Mohen is sharing
• Leave love notes - One thing that I always do for Mohen ever since we first got together is that I love leaving notes for him in unexpected places. Like when he asked me to iron his work-shirt that he wanted to wear for the day, I will quickly write a small note while he showers and put it in his pocket after I’m done ironing. Or that when I’m tired and wanted to sleep in early and not wait up for him, I will leave his dinner in the fridge but with a love note on the Tupperware. It doesn’t matter if he throws it out after reading it but I’m contented with the fact that while he reads them, he may feel a spark of something and thought of his love for me, even if he was reminded of it only for a second or two

Photo courtesy of Best Quotes

It’s a working progress, Mohen and I. We know that we have a long way ahead of us. There are times when it’s very trying and one of us may secretly feel like giving up but I’m proud that we’ve always been able to talk it out and stick to what means the most to us.

I hope we’ll have a chance of staying together like our parents do. It’s nice to grow old together, knowing that you guys have been through so much and laugh at how naive you were when you were just 3 years together, thinking the world is going to end if you have another argument about the bills.

I want that feeling. And I want that feeling, knowing that we’ve proudly got 27 years under our belts.

Related articles

• Scratching the 7-Year Itch (psychologytoday.com)

It’s Not As Easy As 1,2,3

Eros is going on 3 years old soon.

Eros being cheeky.

Each day he is trying my patience with new habit that he seems to acquire overnight. Funny how he is able to pick up something so fast and learn it within impressive time frame that I wonder how much really he has learnt.

Last week he learnt how to ignore me when I call him.

After what seemed like an eternity and just when I’m about to lose it did he turn around slowly and look at me as though he has never seen me before. Still he will take his own time to make his way to me and pretend to study every minute detail of the toy he constantly have with him.

I don’t think I have been tested so often before until I’m with a 3 year old son. Previously, I always think that I have a high tolerance for people and pesky things but not after Eros. I feel like I can lose it any second and snap like a twig.

This week Eros decides that everyone else should wait for him to finish whatever it is he’s doing before going for his shower or taking his dinner or finishing his afternoon bottle before his nap.

Playing with his Lego keeps him occupied longer than any other toys can.

Every other sentence is ended with a, “Wait. I want to do this,” or “Wait. Play first,” or “Mommy wait. Eros do this.” 

I can’t tell you how annoying it is to be asked to wait when I need to be doing the housework. Although he doesn’t keep quiet and turn to stone when I call him anymore, the way he always put up his hand asking me to wait sure is driving me up the wall.

It is a wonderful thing for Eros to know what he wants and see how far he can push me. But with me carrying a 37weeks baby that is due in about 3 weeks time, I wouldn’t want to be tested. I literally feel my temper is really short lately and there many times I had to walk away because I thought I might hit Eros.

My second pregnancy isn’t as easy as Eros’ was so there are many times I had to sit down and catch a breath, change into looser clothing because I really do sweat that much now since I seem to radiate more body heat than a sauna generator can and I feel like a total klutz. My fingers feel as though they have swelled to triple their size, I feel like as huge as an oil tanker so when Eros is being whiny or mess things up, I get extremely irritated.

I have had him being whiny and messy before and I handled it fine when I wasn’t carrying another baby but right now I’m having gestational hypotension as well and I get headaches almost constantly. I don’t want to get angry with Eros for being a child that he wonderfully is but sometimes I wish I can drown out the noise and the housework and domestic obligations just so I can rest.

Eros being himself.

Each time my temper is running short with Eros, I tried to remember all the parenting guidebooks I’ve read and try to do what they advised me to do. Most of the times it works but sometimes when I’ve had enough, I went back to yelling at him. It hurts me to see him cry after I yelled at him because I know he’s not doing it on purpose. It’s his child development learning curve and he can’t help being rebellious.

I kept telling myself that I’m the one who should understand him more than he should understand me. He’s only going to be 3 and how much of a pregnant mom’s situation can he understand.

Our little cheeky angel.

A friend once told me that her aunt told her about taking care of toddlers. It’s the number game – Wonderful One, Terrible Two, Terrifying 3 and let’s not go to four, shall we?

I know if I kept thinking it in this terms, it’ll probably be true because my mind is telling me to be prepared as such. I tried not to think about it whenever Eros is being very trying but there were times it creeps to my mind.

All I know is there is nothing more I love than taking care of Eros. And I also know it definitely is not as easy as counting the numbers.

The Price of Pride

So you know how Mohen has always been telling me everything that’s happening at his office. Mainly because there’s so many of his friends I know and vice versa. Even after I’ve resigned from our company, he still lets me in on things and occasional gossips going around either about him or someone else.

It’s nice to feel included because I think he knows that one of the things I fear when I resigned is to be cut off from him more and more each day because our world has become different from what it was before.

So today after lunch while he smokes and I do the dishes he told me about this trainer that came over from Germany to do a 2weeks training for a department of our mutual friend. Now, perhaps it is a good idea that I let you know that whenever Mohen tells me of “someone” from the office, 11 out of 10 times it’s about a girl. Sure enough this trainer person is a woman.

Apparently she is a French-born Algerian who works in Germany and came over to our center for some training. Okay, pretty mundane enough as there are a lot of trainers from other centers that come over to ours to do training. From the way he’s telling me about this lady, I can tell that she is rather attractive and not the boring classroom trainers that we sometimes get.

He told me that he was going for a smoke break and she was already there on her smoke break. They got to talking and still at this point I’m all right because I know Mohen can strike up a conversation with a girl he deems worth his time and he tends to get girls hit on him as well. So he was telling me how she told him about her workplace and the places she’s been to in our country while she’s here and how long more she’s going to be here before she goes back to Germany.

Then he mentioned that while they were talking she was checking her Facebook on her iPhone and he carelessly mentioned to her that Eros has a Facebook account. She was surprised that he has a son and what more he’s only 3 years old. Sure enough she added him on Facebook and they went through photos on each others’ profile.

I don’t know why this made me uncomfortable.

I too have had met trainers who came over to our centers and added them Facebook. But only after they’ve been to my department for more than 4 times where we’ve become well acquainted and familiar with each other. So it don’t know what it is that bug me when she added Mohen on her Facebook.

Sure it seems offhand enough and I have never even met this lady to know whether she is drop dead gorgeous or not but I think I know Mohen enough to know that he wouldn’t bother unattractive girls two seconds of his time.

Have I been so domesticated long enough that I feel unattractive now? Like I don’t think Mohen sees me now as this woman in a power suit that can take on a room full of men during meeting? The only thing he sees me now as this homely, plump woman who is a mother to his children and a comfort he has at home.

I bit my tongue and feigned my laughs when he told me about this lady trainer. I don’t know if it shows on my face but I think I hid it well enough for Mohen kept on talking about it.

Sure I still have great, glossy looking hair, sure I still dress up when we go out (which sadly, is rare enough nowadays) and I still can talk to him about topics that stimulates the professional minds but somehow I feel like I’ve lost it. Like I’ve somehow or rather turned dull in his eyes. I feel there is some reservation now in him when he talks to me, like he thinks I wouldn’t understand much anymore or that I would be lost if he talks about it too much.

I don’t know if it’s just my imagination but somehow that’s what I’ve been feeling lately. And I’m too proud to admit it to him that it makes me feel less special now. Like I’m slowly fading into a background where he continues to be pushed to center stage. It’s not about me taking limelight from him or wanting to be where he is because I know I couldn’t possibly do that now now that I’m at home all the time.

It just makes me feel well, slighted. And it hurts.

It Might Work For You!

So we moved to this new place. And we all know that I am now not working and therefore do not contribute to the household finance.

When we took out some big amount from our savings to arrange for things for the new house, I told myself that it’s about time I shake some sense into me about the big M. I mean, it’s not technically pouring in anymore (not that it ever has but it just feels nice to talk about the big M come pouring in. Haha.) so it scares me a bit. It was okay for several months after I resigned from my work because we were at the old house and things were still in its steady flow.

Now that the new place requires several (if not many) spending and tugging a few bucks here and there, it came (almost) crushing down on me.

So I told myself I need to do something so I can help to save where I can and therefore lessing the burden on Mohen to spend more on the things we need. Since I am at home and I know how things run and last, I figured it’s pretty much up to me to do major savings when it comes to our daily needs and household requirements.

These are the things I did and I the amount I saved. See if it can work for you to because when it’s at the end of the month, a few days before the pay day, I’m sure you know that a 100 bucks comes in handy a long way.

Electrical vampires – Many years ago I saw an episode on National Geographic when Earth Hour was first introduced. It talked about mundane household appliances that take up and use the most (of course not to mention keeps the meter running!) energy.

All you have to do is switch off the things that you don’t need to use until the next use. I know this sound simple but think about how most of us are too lazy to switch off the main power for our TV because we think that we would want to watch it again after a few hours. Turns out a few hours of running main power translate into almost 5bucks.

For the most of us, myself included before, I don’t even switch off the main power when I’m going out the whole day with my family. It’s just so easy to have everything on so that I can switch it on when I want to. Off doesn’t mean off for electrical appliances. It simply puts it on standby mode.

Therefore, try these:

1. Switch off the main power for the TV, PC, microwave
2. Switch off the main switch for air conditioning and water heaters
3. Minimize the use of ceiling fans. You wouldn’t technically die if it gets a little warm. Open the windows and let the wind in
4. Limit hours of watching TV instead of letting it run while doing housework or at the computer. You think you need the noise to be in a familiar home environment but it’s coins dropping away
5. Hand wash small items. I used to chuck everything in the washer. But now I separate my laundry, the big ones like bed sheets or t-shirts and the small ones like my son’s clothes and lingerie and wash the small ones by hand. My washer use to run every alternate day but now only about twice a week

Total savings: Before the above my electric bill is about 280 per month. Now it’s not more than 100 and that is with minimal (once a week during really hot night) use of air conditioning (AC takes up a lot of energy. Imagine how much it will be if no AC was used at all!

Beggars Can’t Be Choosers - Okay. So I know I’m not technically a beggar. But what I do now when I shop for groceries is that I make myself think this: “What would I do if one day I had to beg and all I have to spend is this 50 bucks for the whole month?”

It is amazing how frugal you can get when you think like that. There are always choice when you shop at supermarkets. Instead of going for the things with brand or featured on TV, like a good brand of pasta, go for the ones that is a few cents cheaper. It may not seem much by saving a few cents but when you are buying more than 20 items, it can come up to an almost 15bucks of saving.

Now, I love to spend. I used to not look at the price of things until the check-out girl flashed it against her machine and the price popped out on the screen. It wasn’t as if I am making millions – it’s just I like the feeling when I buy something expensive and looks good. I managed to get rid of that habit now (and believe me when I say it is not easy. At all.) and it has benefit me more than I know. I don’t mind now throwing in generic things into my cart, especially when it comes to disposable things like kitchen paper towels, toilet rolls, dishrags, detergents for heavy-duty cleaning – basically things that you will use and then throw. I just invest a little bit now in certain foodstuff brand and/or certain toiletries item.

Total savings: Total spending for groceries before the above 400+ per month. Now, around 290 per month.

So let’s do a little kindergarten math: From electric bills, I saved around 180. And for groceries I saved around 110. Let’s see, I don’t think any of us need to be a math whiz to know that an approximate 290 worth of monthly saving is a lot.

It took me about 2 months to get use to this. I think for those with stronger will power you can do this sooner. It really is just the willpower of your mind over earthly desires, so to say. Just also remember that no one will think that you are a cheapskate if you spend thriftily because it’s not as if they are paying for your bills. I guess you can say that you are your own enemy when it comes to savings.

Just thought I share something with others on how to save a little.

Am I The Only One With This Problem?

I am not sure I am just overreacting or is it something that annoys every woman.

For me, spending time with Mohen will mean that we sit and talk about nothing in particular, catch up on the nonsense that we’ve been through in that week or just be in each other’s presence. To me, watching TV while I do the dishes doesn’t count as “spending time”.

I know everyone gets tired and need sleep and all that. But why can’t he put in as much effort as I am to stay awake so that we can sit and talk about something – anything. I don’t know if I am asking too much but I think staying awake for at least 2 hours isn’t going to hurt the 5-hours sleeping routine that most working adults have.

It’s frustrating when I only see him about 4 1/2 hours a day, combining the time from he wakes up, have breakfast, getting ready to work and then come home and have dinner before he hits the sack. I bet some of his friends see more of him than I do.

Am I demanding so much? I am not asking him to sit and stare at me or rub my feet for hours or wash my hair or something. It’s work too being at home and cleaning and washing up and taking care of Eros. I get tired too but I can stay up more than 18hours to wait for him to come back just so I could see him for even 15minutes.

I am so sick of wanting to spend time with Mohen but he sleeps or goes out or watches the TV. So he needs entertainment to rest. Can’t he spare some time to talk? It’s not as if I am asking him to take me out for dinner or shopping or anything like that. I just need him to look at me and talk, maybe an hour, if that’s so much to ask for.

I can teach myself not to care about anything that he does because that will mean that I won’t be effected by him not spending time with me despite promising to during his 4 days off. That way he can be out the whole day or not come back for all I care and I wouldn’t be the slightest bit bothered. I can stay home and read and play with Eros and clean the house and wash.

I read this somewhere – WIFE : Washing, Ironing, F***** and etc.

Genius, isn’t it?

Desperate Housewife (?)

Now, can someone just tell me when exactly being a housewife is a sin?

I, completely and wholeheartedly blame that damn show because thanks to some scantily clad women with superficial mammary prominence, being a housewife now is deemed sinful to the point of being an infidel.

How can taking care of your son, doing the laundry, cook for your husband and perhaps some innocent gardening in the evening be; please note that I am disgusted to say this word – wrong? To think that once working woman is considered a taboo and she is accused of being promiscuous and actually off gallivanting with men after working hours.

Just because housewife stays at home and may not know what it takes (or feel if you want) to wear a power-suit, it doesn’t mean that these women are shallow, conservative or even boring. Sure a career woman can be more stimulating because of all the make up and expensive hair-do and what with all the big words they use during the meeting. But would you think they would bust a $150 manicure over kneading dough for the dinner bread? Don’t think so.

Perhaps this is the image that the show was trying to portray. They are trying to deviate the common idea of housewives and show that they are not shallow, conservative or boring and yes, they too can dress skimpily, thank you very much. But I guess the show stretched the truth a little more than I would’ve like. Besides some really promiscuous and maneater women, how many of us would really sleep with the gardener even though he looks like he just stepped out from a GQ photoshoot? And come on, how many gardener is there (in real life, please take note) that actually looks like that?

I’ve read somewhere (and this comes from a woman, mind you) that women should not be a housewife because “women need to be independent, make their own decision and stand on their own two feet“. Can someone please point out to me which part of this statement did not reflect a housewife’s role? For the sake of my argument, I will do a checklist:

1. Women need to be independent – The moment the man in your life walks out the door to leave for work – the house, the car, the children whole being, your own safety, pets if you have them; are all in your hands. You need to take care of everything just so that you have a roof on your head the next day and that your husband don’t come home and find you and your kid sliced in two by some unknown perpetrator.

2. Women need to make their own decision – I guess being a housewife sort of dampens or even shuts off your brain because obviously being a housewife doesn’t allow you to make your own decision. I can’t remember the last time Mohen tells me what to cook, or what time to do the laundry, or when to change the sheets, or when to take Eros out for a walk, or how to change a lightbulb, or what color curtain should I get. My bad. These are not decisions because decisions now means what time should the meeting be, who can start the later shift and how do we get these graphs up because the people up there sure isn’t happy about it.

3. Women need to stand on their two feet – Again being a housewife has now seemed to maim you as a person. Who is the one that needs to drive the kids to school? Who is the one that needs to go to the supermarket to get groceries so the family won’t starve? Who needs to pay all the bills before the rush-hour traffic so that she can pick the kids from school? It’s amazing how standing on two feet now focuses only on independently taking the train to work, get paid by the end of the month because that is “her-salary-so-she-can-do-whatever-she-wants-with-it-because-she-stood-on-her-2-damn-feet-to-earn-it” and also facing a sea of men during the proposal presentation.

I never view housewife as a humiliating career because my Mom gave up her dream of being an art historian in Australia just so she can make sure me and my sisters have someone waiting for us at home when we come back from school and that proper lunch is on the table so that we won’t have to eat the despicable meals the babysitter cooks.

What makes me sad is that women themselves now make fun of housewife. I guess primal need of taking care of your family is so shameful that they will immerse themselves in the career world and make as much money as they can because if they can buy their kids the XBox 360 or the ATV or get themselves a $320 lingerie, it would make them the best mother and wife in the world.

2000 years of evolution and still we haven’t change an iota.

Why am I not surprised?