Posted in Parenting

Definite Scare

Eros was hospitalised last night and it was so far the most harrowing experience of my life.

He has had that phlegm in his chest for quite some time but we didn’t bring him to the doctor yet because it didn’t come with a fever or interrupting his sleep or anything. Then yesterday he was breathing rather oddly and every time he drinks, he will spit them out along with sticky phlegm and he kept crying.

It was getting worse to the point that he couldn’t be fed at all so we took him to Assunta and straight to the emergency room. I know it wasn’t really an emergency case but he was a baby and I want them to look at him straight away so I walked in with a little of drama saying that he can’t breathe. Eros was, accidentally, limp in my arms and looked as though he really was wasn’t breathing.

They took him immediately and started doing all the test and all. They responded really well because they obviously know what to do first and how to react. That was the good part. The other part is that, I didn’t expect to break down really bad because I thought I could handle Eros being slightly sick that way. But the moment they asked me to tell them what happened, I choked on the words, my tears were nonstop and I was surprised I was actually that scared even though Eros didn’t literally stopped breathing as I have mentioned to them.

He looked so helpless with the gas mask around his small face when they need him to inhale the solution to break the phlegm. I thought that was it and we would have to wait for him to cough it out or something. Then the nurse said, Ok now we are going to do the painful part where we will use the tube and suck the phlegm out. I was like, What? Did I hear tube? The last time I checked, if any tubes were used at all in a hospital, they were sure to stick them into your orifice and this is a 4months baby we’re talking about!

Eros was brought to another bed where they wrapped him and they were holding his head down so he wouldn’t trash so much. I felt like pushing them all away and just take Eros home. They asked me to step outside because it was just  a short procedure. Mohen led me out but he went back inside. I fought my own instincts saying that I should be in there because I know I would only be crying and asking them to stop or hold Eros away and it would only delay their job. Because if it wasn’t necessary for them to use the tubes, they wouldn’t have. Would they?

It was true enough that it was a short procedure because in retrospect, it probably lasted only less than 5 minutes. But Eros’ crying really was too much for me to handle. I can’t stop crying and there were so many times I resisted to tear the curtains away and call the nurses names. I chew on on my knuckle, thinking that after this Eros was able to breathe normally again.

When he came out, he was limp from the crying. Besides, he hasn’t even had anything to eat yet. He sobbed a little and then we went to see the doctor and she told us that she wants to hospitalise Eros for observation. I didn’t want him to stay in the hospital but again, if it wasn’t necessary, the doctor wouldn’t ask of it.

Eros finally had his feeding and slept for about 40minutes. Then he woke up and he was Eros again.

I don’t ever want to have this kind of scare again because I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle it the second time. If it wasn’t for Mohen who stood the ground for me, I would’ve snap and went crazy there in the emergency room. They then would’ve probably need to forcibly remove me and then it would even made me crazier because I wouldn’t be able to see Eros.

I guess it was a good thing that I resisted so many temptations to act against my moral judgment.



A feminist mother of 3 who thinks she can write.

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