So it has been about 3 weeks that I am at home.
Truth be told, I have not felt this alive, this great, this wonderful and believe it or not, this womanly – ever since God knows when!
I have always had that dream of having a high-flying job, drive a flashy car, work 150 hours a week, having holidays in Greece. But then don’t everyone have that dream? If not all the time daydreaming about it, at least it occurred to them once in their lifetime. Sure it’s nice to have all the nice things in the world. I guess it never did ring true to me until I am here, right now, where I want to be all this while.
Since we are on the subject of truth, it would be a lie if I said that being where I am now is what I have wanted all this while. I had that rough time of downs when I didn’t want to be at home. I want to get back out in the world, see my colleagues, have meetings, wearing power suits and all those. I had arguments with Mohen about my priority as a mother that I shouldn’t be a “weekend mother” and I argued that my work is what I do best. Those were depressing times and had Mohen not been around to support me, I would’ve gone onto Prozac before you could say post-partum depression.
Turns out that there are other things that I am good at.
My day now starts no later than 8am. Unless it’s the weekend, Mohen will let me sleep in until 10. Even if it’s not the weekend, he almost never wakes me up. Anyway, once up, I will change Eros’ diapers and feed him breakfast. He will watch Playhouse Disney while I prepare breakfast for Mohen who usually goes to gym until 10am.
Eros will take his afternoon nap at 12.30 and sleeps for about 2 or 3 hours max. While he sleeps, I will see Mohen to work and then sweep the floor, do the laundry, prepare the things I need to make lunch, mop the floor, dust the house and if time permits, I will sneak in a read of few pages (so far I’ve read 4 books while staying at home). Then Eros wakes up and he will have his lunch. He will read or play or do whatever other baby things that he does which usually tries my sanity but we have fun.
His dinner is usually after his evening bath. We then watch the 7.30pm movie on Disney channel and by the time the movie ends, Eros is sleepy. I give him his night bottle and off he sleeps. I will then sweep and mop the floor again before cooking dinner for Mohen. Since he returns home at ungodly hours, I usually cook at around 11pm.
The next day, I do this all over again.
To be honest (of course) when I first stayed home, I thought I would have fun for the first few days. I know the after effect of my decision would kick in soon. I was on the look out for any depressing signs, any straying thought about my workplace, any sudden realization that I have a dateline round the corner.
Nada. Nothing. Zilch.
I look forward to waking up early every morning to start my routine, I look forward for Eros to have his afternoon nap so I can do the laundry. I feel alive. I know that I can do this everyday and not get bored of it. There is always something to do at home (which by the way I have done about 3 arts pieces during my “arts & craft” time, usually around 9.45pm) and I love knowing that I am here at home to keep everything clean, organized and sparkling.
It makes me feel on top of the world to be able to feed my son, to watch him grow taller or gain weight each day. It makes me feel terrific to be able to have clean floor and freshly laundered clothes all the time.
I guess I am much a simpler person than I thought I was.
Simple things make me happy now. I should’ve realized this sooner.