For the record this is the fifth page that I have saved to draft and then deleted and then wrote another one and then saved draft again only to delete it after a few hours.
3 weeks hiatus have been damaging to my writing brain! I usually am able to write 4 different pieces of blog in a day. Serve me right for having a long break too long.
Anyway, I have all these things in my head right how, waiting to burst out on the pages of my blog. But whenever I get the title right, I can’t get the words to come out the way I want. So I’ve decided to write about my frustration just so to start the engine chugging. I am typing faster as I write now so I guess the gears are finally working.
One thing that occurred to me while I am in this “writing warm up” is that how much it scares me not being able to write. I mean, I was literally worried that I might just “lost it” and not being able to write as much or the way that I used to anymore. I guess that made my brain froze even longer and kept me staring at the screen for hours, toggling between Twitter and Facebook just so my brain will relax and finally give me something to write about.
I have been writing stories and notes and daydreaming recollections ever since I could remember. I am always imagining that I am some writer with famous books or most of the time (then) I write stories reflecting what I want to be or what I see myself in 15-18 years (which come think of it, just right about present time…) and most of these are written on any writable things I can find – notebooks, those brown cover school exercise books or even the back of my Mom’s shopping list.
So when I had that brain freeze for several days, I think I can safely say that it did to some level freaked me out. I had brain freeze before (over absence of idea, not over Slurpee) but it didn’t last as long as it did this time around.
I’ve always been able to write and I am pretty sure to lose that ability is akin to fear of losing a limb. Now that I’ve made myself write (and not think about a particular subject – I think that is the key maybe?) I think I can’t stop because while writing this, I actually stopped and opened up another tab for another page.
There. I’ve managed to write something again after 4 days of attempts. And this time without deleting the whole page or even saving it to draft for later.