How many of you clicked on the link to read my blog because of the title?
It’s weird how human needs help on basic human needs, is it not?
And I am no different. I was browsing through top blogs in my blogging website and come across 9 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Healthy At Any Age at http://yhoo.it/dtVmsm. So I read the whole article, thinking that I might stumble across something that might actually help my relationship. Not that it is in trouble but you can always get tips.
What amazes me is that all the things that was written are the things that I already know about. Makes me wonder if I should start writing a self-help book. And also made me think that self-help books are not books to help yourself but books written on the things that author did to self-help him/herself. Shouldn’t be a problem for me because there are thousand of things that I’ve done in my life that I’ve self-helped my self, if lack for a better word.
I wouldn’t say that Mohen and I have the most perfect relationship but I secretly applaud us because we get people say things like, “You guys look so cute together!” or “I love to see the way you guys are with each other!” or “You guys make such great couple!”. Although for most part I do feel like saying, We know, I smiled and felt proud that we seem that way to others.
Of course we do not pretend to be happy with each other because I believe that Mohen and I make each other very happy. Even when we have our ugliest arguments, we know deep down that we make each other happy. We know that given the circumstances, we will not walk away from each other not because we have a son together, but we truly do care and love each other.
For me, I have always feared relationship because childhood histories caused me to have no faith in the purity of relationship. This was why I have never taken any relationship seriously until I am with Mohen. It’s cheesy but I guess we really do complete each other. It’s our imperfection that makes us perfect. It’s our flaw that make us faultless.
I guess if I were to write a self-help book on relationship (and humor me for a second, thank you), these are the things I will definitely have in my book:
1. Respect – It is overrated but it’s the most important thing. He wants to be alone? Respect it. He wants to watch football on TV until 3am? Respect it but made it clear you don’t approve. Sulk if you may, clean the dishes loudly if you want but let him watch the game. You want to wear an electric pink skirt with a lime green top? He should respect it. You want to be alone in the bath while Josh Groban plays on and he has to look after the kid. He should respect it and he can knock on the door asking when are you going to be done.
2. Accept that change is nature – One thing that I fear most is that the moment a person you like becomes your significant other, they turn into someone else. Let’s face it, we all change. But do not use that as your argument when you quarrel. “I liked you better when were dating,” or “I liked your old self compared to how you are now.” It is painful and insulting. It makes the other partner feels like you don’t like being with them anymore. If the change doesn’t hurt you, then roll with the punches. It’s not wrong he is more possessive now because you’re his to protect and care compared to when you were dating. Just tell him if he crosses the line from being to possessive to obsessive.
3. Your partner is your friend – I never see Mohen as my partner or spouse or consort or whatever it is the term for life partner. He is my friend, he is my confidante and under certain circumstances he is my punching bag. You laugh with your mates over dirty jokes, you make fun of the hilarious guy on a rickety bicycle and you tell your friend she gained weight. Do the same thing with your partner. If they love you truly for who you are, they won’t be hurt. You might end up being each other consultant in almost everything. And for free too.
4. Remind them you love them – People forget and people remember through repetition. Tell him you love him 7 times a day if you have to. Send text messages, post on his Facebook wall, call just to say you love him (Stevie Wonder nailed this ages ago) – whatever you feel like doing, no matter how busy you are. You don’t exactly have to send a barbershop quarter to his office because trust me, you don’t want to overdo it. Even he or she never replies,do not reduce or stop doing it. Do not feel obligated and that you need or look forward for a reply because otherwise he or she will just respond to your text just to shut you up. Make him or her remember you always love them and think of them throughout the whole day.
5. Tell me what you don’t like – Ask him or her from time to time what they don’t like about you. They will be very hesitant because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings but make them understand that you want to know. You might not know that your subconscious habit of hanging the shirt facing the other way from him annoys him or that his gym socks left in the sneakers bothers you. Listen with open mind and do not promise to change. It’s a habit and it will probably take years to get rid of. But when you know what he or she don’t like, you will slowly catch yourself before you do it. It’s amazing how little things can improve so many things.
Well, these are the 5 things I always do and everyday I feel that Mohen and I are growing stronger and stronger with and for each other. You may want to try and see if it works. After all, it is a self-help for me and if it works for you, I might consider writing a book after all.
And oh, if it did help you, I will charge you for it.