In all fairness, I think I should say something about 2011.
When I look inside myself, I know that all matters to me in my life right now is just two things – Mohen and Eros. Sure I have all these dreams where I want to get a new car, a new paint for my living room, a new kitchen cabinet, that gorgeous Louis Vutton bag and everything. But I realized that all those wouldn’t mean much at the end of the day unless I have both Mohen and Eros with me.
It has been turbulent between me and Mohen for the past few months. As a matter of fact there were many times that we argue and each argument was uglier than the one before. But no matter how much we fought or shout or threw blame at each other, I know that I still love him. No matter how much I feel like walking out, I know that I love him, here in my heart. And that stops me from walking away.
I tried to be more understanding, to see where he was coming from, try to think like a man. To some extent it helps. Like I told him that I know that he feels bad because of some situations we are in and he might even feel hopeless or helpless but I assured him that I never thought of him that way. I thought he was being really heroic busting his ass trying to work things out. We both have our own ways of working things out so that Eros can live comfortably but that doesn’t mean that we can’t, don’t and won’t understand how the other work.
He told me not to sweat about the small things, but it’s the small things that means the most to me. We both know how much we love each other and how much we still want to be with each other. I know that we both are trying to make things better between us and we can’t help it when other things come in the way and since these things will determine how comfortably Eros lives, how long can we keep the house, how often can food be put on the table, we get caught up in making these things work.
But that doesn’t mean that we can forget each other. Because that is one thing that I am really scared about – we forget to look at each other. Getting caught in so many things in life just to make sure rent is paid, bills are cleared, we tend to neglect or lost touch with the one that we care the most. It’s ironic how we are doing these things for the ones that we care the most and yet in the course of these things, the ones that we care the most gets left behind.
I think Mohen understands now, or at least knows what I’m talking about after I explained this to him.
I thought that we had a lousy start to 2011. But I think it won’t be so bad.
We have 361 days ahead of us and we have each other. We should be all right.