Posted in Relationship

The Price of Pride

So you know how Mohen has always been telling me everything that’s happening at his office. Mainly because there’s so many of his friends I know and vice versa. Even after I’ve resigned from our company, he still lets me in on things and occasional gossips going around either about him or someone else.

It’s nice to feel included because I think he knows that one of the things I fear when I resigned is to be cut off from him more and more each day because our world has become different from what it was before.

So today after lunch while he smokes and I do the dishes he told me about this trainer that came over from Germany to do a 2weeks training for a department of our mutual friend. Now, perhaps it is a good idea that I let you know that whenever Mohen tells me of “someone” from the office, 11 out of 10 times it’s about a girl. Sure enough this trainer person is a woman.

Apparently she is a French-born Algerian who works in Germany and came over to our center for some training. Okay, pretty mundane enough as there are a lot of trainers from other centers that come over to ours to do training. From the way he’s telling me about this lady, I can tell that she is rather attractive and not the boring classroom trainers that we sometimes get.

He told me that he was going for a smoke break and she was already there on her smoke break. They got to talking and still at this point I’m all right because I know Mohen can strike up a conversation with a girl he deems worth his time and he tends to get girls hit on him as well. So he was telling me how she told him about her workplace and the places she’s been to in our country while she’s here and how long more she’s going to be here before she goes back to Germany.

Then he mentioned that while they were talking she was checking her Facebook on her iPhone and he carelessly mentioned to her that Eros has a Facebook account. She was surprised that he has a son and what more he’s only 3 years old. Sure enough she added him on Facebook and they went through photos on each others’ profile.

I don’t know why this made me uncomfortable.

I too have had met trainers who came over to our centers and added them Facebook. But only after they’ve been to my department for more than 4 times where we’ve become well acquainted and familiar with each other. So it don’t know what it is that bug me when she added Mohen on her Facebook.

Sure it seems offhand enough and I have never even met this lady to know whether she is drop dead gorgeous or not but I think I know Mohen enough to know that he wouldn’t bother unattractive girls two seconds of his time.

Have I been so domesticated long enough that I feel unattractive now? Like I don’t think Mohen sees me now as this woman in a power suit that can take on a room full of men during meeting? The only thing he sees me now as this homely, plump woman who is a mother to his children and a comfort he has at home.

I bit my tongue and feigned my laughs when he told me about this lady trainer. I don’t know if it shows on my face but I think I hid it well enough for Mohen kept on talking about it.

Sure I still have great, glossy looking hair, sure I still dress up when we go out (which sadly, is rare enough nowadays) and I still can talk to him about topics that stimulates the professional minds but somehow I feel like I’ve lost it. Like I’ve somehow or rather turned dull in his eyes. I feel there is some reservation now in him when he talks to me, like he thinks I wouldn’t understand much anymore or that I would be lost if he talks about it too much.

I don’t know if it’s just my imagination but somehow that’s what I’ve been feeling lately. And I’m too proud to admit it to him that it makes me feel less special now. Like I’m slowly fading into a background where he continues to be pushed to center stage. It’s not about me taking limelight from him or wanting to be where he is because I know I couldn’t possibly do that now now that I’m at home all the time.

It just makes me feel well, slighted. And it hurts.

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Author:

A feminist mother of 3 who thinks she can write.

One thought on “The Price of Pride

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