Posted in Parenting, Relationship

Your Mileage May Differ

Surprisingly this topic is the one I least read about throughout both my pregnancies. I don’t know whether because I’m comfortable enough about it to know that everything is all right or that I’m not that curious about it.

Sex during pregnancy.

As with my first pregnancy as well as this second one, I do not experience any decrease in my sex drive, even though many of the pregnancy books I’ve read never fail to mention this much-discussed yet very delicate topic.

Photo courtesy of Parenthood and Kids

Most women’s libido take a nosedive in the first trimester, thanks to the 3-month long morning sickness and hormonal changes. Most women gets stressed, feel unattractive due to the nausea they’re feeling and some just feel turned off completely even by the mention of sex.

Although sex was what brought us here in the first place, the idea of sex when your breasts are tender and you have to pee every 5 minutes puts you off from your partner faster than you can say candle-lit room and soft music.

It has always been a difficult subject between me and Mohen because since my libido didn’t decrease, it decides to increase instead. The longer I’ve been pregnant, the more, well, easily turned on I get.

No matter how much I assure him that there is no way he will hurt the baby inside by making love to me, I can see that he finds it awkward to be caressing me with the bulging belly between us. We managed to laugh it off once in a while because it’s like trying to make out with a basketball balanced on our stomachs but I don’t think he would want to be laughing each time we try to make love.

Photo courtesy of Google

There were times he would find my new pregnant body irresistible thanks to the curves and roundness of the belly and bosoms but as the pregnancy progresses, he feels uncomfortable to be straddling such a huge belly, what more with my suddenly limited agility in bed.

As much as communication between us has been the strongest aspect in our relationship, it is always been hard for me to really explain to him why sex has suddenly become so important to me during pregnancy. When he subtly rejects my advances, it makes me feel unwanted and most of the times to some extent, ugly.

It feels as though he has lost all interest in me as a woman and only see me now as a mother to his child. I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me and his rejection is more on his concern for my physical wellness rather than lost sexual desire but I feel that with our second pregnancy he would understand the way I behave sexually more than he did the first time around.

Photo courtesy of Pregnancy - Max Updates

Being together for almost 4 years, I think I know him enough to know that there is no change in his sexual drive. And despite that, he never made any advances towards me and I feel bad to not be able to treat or pleasure him the way I used to when I wasn’t pregnant.

Sure I know there are several restrictions now that I’m 37weeks pregnant but I don’t want him to think that just because I’m pregnant, he has to forego his own desire for sex and wait for the baby to arrive before thinking of approaching me for sex again.

Both of us are very close sexually and emotionally. So when our sex life took a major dip during pregnancy, I feel cut off from him in ways I couldn’t explain. I want to feel just as close to him when I wasn’t pregnant, I want to know that he still desires me no matter how I look like and most importantly, it makes me feel like I’m not going through this pregnancy alone.

Photo courtesy of craigsfindr.com

It’s not about lust when it comes to sex during pregnancy. It’s the closeness it provides and the comfort of your partner holding you tight and sharing that moment of love, with the little one kicking inside you.

At times I feel like he is afraid to touch me, as though he doesn’t want to get turn on because if he does, he would want to make love to me and if he does, his actions might hurt my belly or my back or even our baby. I can’t get him to relax as much no matter how much I show him the articles about sex during pregnancy, the do’s and don’ts and everything else in between.

Our sex life is always the first thing that came to my mind each time I think about my pregnancy or getting pregnant. Because of it, we’ve had arguments, we’ve slept in separate beds, we’ve not kissed or hold each other’s hands for weeks.

It’s ironic how I feel sexy when I’m pregnant and yet I feel ugly when I’m bed with him. Oh, well. I only have another 3 more weeks to go before things get back to normal.

I hope.

Photo courtesy of spaestethic.com

Author:

A feminist mother of 3 who thinks she can write.

3 thoughts on “Your Mileage May Differ

  1. Have read a couple of of the articles on your web site now, and I truly like your style of blogging. I added it to my favorites blog web site list and will probably be checking back soon.

    Like

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