In a lot of ways, I think all I ever wanted is to have a Hollywood-style romantic love story.
You may think me shallow or too melodramatic, but I’m not embarrass to admit that when I watch sappy movies, I can’t help but feel that they’re sometimes written for me or that the life of the actors should be how my love story is told.
Maybe it’s because I’m too much a writer and everything I see and think are in forms of story lines. Maybe because I daydream too much and tend to stray from the reality that is my life.
Or maybe because I’m too in love that everything I see is about Mohen and I.
Things took off almost immediately for us. Although we didn’t fall in love after much later into our friendship, we started of great as friends and we used to spend hours and hours talking all night long about nonsensical things. Even until now, our talks are what we’re about. We’ve always prided ourselves for being able to talk about anything and everything for long hours.
The strain of parenthood has somehow, I feel drift us slightly apart. I’m being too nice. Slightly is perhaps not even enough to describe it. At times I feel like I understand why we’re not really talking to each other for days but most of the times I refuse to understand. Because I feel that even if with many things happening around us, we should still be able to look at each other and remember what we are about.
We’re still very much in love, that I’m sure. But we’re both feeling the distance that’s slowly creeping between us. He puts it down to him working long hours because he needs to make ends meet for our family now that that responsibility falls on him alone and I take it as me focusing on raising the family and the looming arrival of another baby.
But for most part of it, I still want to feel like a girl in love and that feeling lifts her to the top of the world. I want to have that skip in my gait that shows nothing in this world matters but his love for me. I want to be swept off my feet with kisses and hugs.
I know that those are the feelings you create and you can have those feelings everyday because you’re in love everyday and not just for one heat of the moment.
Somehow with chores and life necessities demands, the fire may dim and God forbid, lost. I don’t want to fall into a routine where love becomes an obligation, not a passion and fire that was first felt by both of us.
I still feel we’re fiercely in love with each other. And I there is nothing more I love in this world that to wake up to that feeling no matter how bad we had an argument the night before, no matter how long we’ve not hold each other’s hands.
I guess it’s natural to be afraid of losing what you treasure the most.
There are too many episodes of madly in love couples get lost in the tides of obligations and in the end, memories of falling in love was all they’ve left with. I wouldn’t want to remember Mohen by thinking about the fun times we had when we were falling in love. I wouldn’t want to be happy only when I think about the times we had before things get complicated.
That wouldn’t be fair because I figured life should be happier when you’re together and making your way through it each day with each other. Memories are what they are worth but they shouldn’t be what you fall back to.
In a world where money is not everything but everything needs money, I always tell Mohen how easy it is to forget each other and forget what we feel. We take for granted that our feelings won’t change but there are so many unforeseen things that can and will make you feel less.
And I’m not someone who likes to feel less.
I do everything with tenfold passion of normal people. When I love, I love madly. When I learn something new, I learn it all the way. And Mohen knows this about me. And he understands why I get so upset and frustrated when we hardly have time for a quick chat over morning coffee.
My love story may not be all Parisian love songs are about or what the mellow movies dramatized but it’s my love story. I know it by heart and I replay it in my head each time I look at Mohen.
Just sometimes I want to feel like a princes in a fairy tale love story.