Posted in Motherhood

The Last Lap. Again.

Runners will run their last lap with any last ounce of energy and speed they have in them to win the race.

That, is of course, easier said than done in my case. Not that I have any intention of doing any running at this stage. I can hardly get out of bed without huffing and puffing for 5 minutes, thank you very much.

But with less than 2 weeks to go, it does feel like running the last lap where the finishing line is just there at the end of the horizon that you can almost feel yourself collapsing after you’ve crossed it. I can see the labor room, the bustling nurses and sound of electronic beeping coming from machines and whatnot and the highly anticipated shrill cry of the prize after the race – the baby.

Sophia is doing well and progressing as she should during her gestation. There weren’t as many complications as Eros’ was and there were less false alarm scares with her.

But then I think it’s because it’s the second time around for me, I don’t know.

Other than knowing pretty much what to expect, I don’t freak out that often when a stomachache spell lasted more than 20minutes or that my back feel like someone just put a sledgehammer right through it or that I feel drowsy all of a sudden and there’s this burning itch in my chest that just won’t go away.

Eros on the day he was born.

My previous last lap was nerve-wrecking with every other slight cramp is timed and recorded. I tread each step with care and watch out for any sign at all that indicate the baby is ready. At the point, no matter how much I’ve read on being prepared, I have no idea what to expect.

Sure the book explain which part of your body will feel the pain and how the pain is like but it didn’t and couldn’t possible make you feel the pain. So I can only imagine what it would be like. So nervous I was at that time, I was even scared to go to the toilet just in case I mistake my bowel movement for labor.

It’s a heck a lot more relaxed this time around, I’m glad to say.

Even Mohen is not a bundle of nerves. He was calm enough during our first time and when my water broke, he didn’t panic and took me to the hospital serenely enough. I don’t know if he was going wild inside to keep himself from freaking out as well but thanks to him, I was relaxed and didn’t panic.

I think he did that for me, even if he was panicking. I mean, he must’ve felt something as well. He can’t be all that cool and composed over the birth of his first child, can he? Either he wants to jump for joy or pace the floor incessantly, he kept it under wraps. He was there for me the way he was expected to and handled everything else other than the birth for me like how he was meant to.

As I write this, I have never really thought about it then.

Eros is a natural with the camera even at 2 days old.

I was so wrapped up in delivering and having Eros that I think I didn’t really thank Mohen for being there for me. We were together at every step of the way but I didn’t take the time to really say how glad I was to have him around.

I know he gave without asking anything in return but I must remember to thank him when I see him tonight when he comes back from work. We are going through this again very soon and I don’t want him to think that I don’t appreciate him being around or doing anything he can to make me feel better.

We have yet to get much of Sophia’s things ready, to be honest. Other than the things that are still very usable from Eros’ time, we’re only going to get more items for her next week.

And I don’t feel bad about it. Hang on – I mean, I feel bad to some extent, thinking that we don’t go all out to get everything new for Sophia the way we did for Eros but with so many things still can be used and knowing what to expect and get for a newborn, I’m surprised at how relaxed we are this time around.

I think this is what my mother meant when she says you get better with each children. You make all the mistakes you can with the first, you do a couple more with the next and correct yourself as more children comes along and finally get the idea of what the hell is going on with the last one.

Our first glimpse of Sophia.

For me, with Sophia, I would like to think that we are more prepared and mature to receive her.

I feel that she would be in better hands now that I know what breastfeeding is, how much a baby can poop, how to make a newborn feel better if she is colicky or understand the tone of her voice when she cries or whimpers.

I feel good to know that I am not as scared now as I was with Eros. I’m happy to realize that this time around I can look for signs of post-partum depression, having to go through one with my first baby. I’m glad now that I don’t feel awkward being up to my elbows with diapers and vomit and enjoy to be doing it at that for I realized those things didn’t matter when you’re bringing up a person into this world.

Deep inside, I think Mohen feels the same way about being a parent. Sure he has less domestic worries like I do because he has to think about finances now that there are more mouths to feed but I’m certain he’s looking forward to feel like a father to a newborn again.

I may not be running to my finishing line but I’m sure as hell getting there fast.

Bringing Eros into this world was one of the best things Mohen and I have ever done.


A feminist mother of 3 who thinks she can write.

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