Posted in Relationship

What’s Your Price?

I probably shouldn’t give this any more attention than it has already gained in the last few days.

When I saw the news about Kim Kardashian getting married, I took the news with a pinch of salt. I, for one, am not someone who follow any celebrities’ life stories day in day out so I found out that she was getting married after she was already married for a day. My sisters rolled their eyes when I asked them if they knew about her wedding.

At the back of my mind, I was thinking how long would this marriage last since it’s so-oh-very-common for Hollywood celebrities to divorce shortly after their grand wedding. But also, I was thinking perhaps it will last longer than anyone thought it would because to me, Kris Humphries looks docile enough a partner for an A-list celebrity marriage to last.

As always, I am seldom wrong.

Now, apparently after only, what, 72 days of marriage, Miss Kardashian filed for a divorce on the grounds of “irreconcilable differences”.

72 days? Days. That’s about 1,728 hours spent with each other. How can you decide that whatever you are fighting about is totally “irreconcilable” after only being in a marriage for 72 days.

I bet there are couples who are married for 72 years and still have their differences but they stake it out. They managed to reconcile these so-called differences.

I mean, isn’t that what marriage is all about?

Wedding is a milestone. Not a yearly chore.

You find someone, you fall in love, you get that right feeling that that person is the one you want to spend your life with and you make plans for a wedding, you get married and spend the rest of your lives together, trying to get over differences.

Not get married only to see whether you can settle differences with the other person and dump them if you can’t. That’s what dating is for.

Wedding day is a girl’s ultimate secret dream. Whether we openly confess we want to get married, or we’re okay with the prospect of marriage, or we’re not really into the whole idea of marrying someone for the rest of our lives, or scoff every time someone mentions the M word, deep, deep down, we all have secretly plan our wedding day.

It doesn’t matter if it’s with a faceless groom or a high school crush or even a movie star, we focus on the details of the wedding more than the marriage life that follows after the ceremony.

Every minute detail is thought about – theme, colors of the wedding table setting, flower arrangements, wedding dress designs, veil or no veil, tiara, wedding rings, songs to be played when we have the first dance, songs after that, menu, wedding shoes and even the color of our nail polish.

It gives us goosebumps to be thinking that we get to play a fairy tale princess for just one day. Never mind a long list of household chores and life’s commitment are waiting to burst through the door. For just one day, let us dream.

Wedding is the mark of permanence of a marriage.

Maybe just because celebrities have the money to be doing this sacred thing call marriage more than once, they do not respect the sanctity that is marriage. Whatever they may say in defense of their divorce, no matter how much still in love they claim to be, or how hard a decision it is to file for a divorce, I do not truly believe that is the truth.

If you really try hard enough and it the marriage means even the slightest thing to you, wouldn’t you go all the way to protect it? Wouldn’t you at least try more than 55hours or 72days to make things work? Even if you regret the decision of getting married and then quickly file for a divorce, shouldn’t you think about it first beforeyou get married?

Planning a wedding can take a lifetime.

Getting married is not like choosing apples at the mart. It’s a life decision. If you take your life’s decision this lightly, what then about the rest of the things that matter to you?

Would you not be rash as well? Would you not have the same impulse to pick and drop everything whenever, wherever you want?

Divorce is a rising statistic that is climbing more each day. This should be worrying for us because it shows that less and less people are truly respecting or even understand the sanctity of marriage.

Divorce should not be an option in a marriage if you truly want to get married and willing to accept all it’s beauties and ugliness. It’s not an ESC button for you to use anytime you choose.

Of course I’m not naive enough to think that all arguments can be settled. I’ve seen enough divorces in my family to know what arguments, fights, suspicion, betrayal, infidelity can lead to. But these divorces happen after both parties tried and tried and tried to make things work but just simply couldn’t after trying to months on end.

Trust is like crumpled paper. It’s still a paper but it’s not the same before it’s squashed.

So divorces happen. Couples fight, family gets ripped apart and children divided between homes.

Call me old-fashioned but I truly do not believe in divorce.

For me, if you bother enough to get married and share a life, you should bother enough to settle any differences or rifts that come in between. You can have the happiest dating life with your partner but things can and usually do change after you get married. This doesn’t mean you should back off and think marriage is not for you.

I don’t think marriage is a trial and error process. What you do to make a marriage work is perhaps an acceptable trial and error process. The whole constitution itself however, is not. And shouldn’t be.

Marriage should be as beautiful as the wedding.

Being in love is truly one of the most wonderful feelings in the world and those who are blessed enough to get this feeling would know the joy and content it brings. Marriage simply enhances that so you can celebrate that love every day. Even if you fight or shout or sometimes feel like you just made the biggest mistake of your life, that doesn’t mean your marriage already failed.

When we are angry, we forget love. When we are frustrated, we forget kindness. When we are blinded by betrayal, we forget calmness.

And the devil that is divorce start to creep in. Especially when you enter a marriage with the thought, no matter how subconsciously, that divorce will be an option at the end of everything, if all else fails. It is always easy to let go because you’d think you’re save from having to think about it again and again. But divorce hurts you in ways you can’t imagine.

Sure there were times I feel like giving up when Mohen and I have huge arguments. Sure I wonder why I submit myself to this when I can just live the way I want with who I want.

But I realized that if I can hold on this long, it truly means something to me. Something deep inside me don’t want to let this go. I want to try to make things work because I want to wake up with him next to me. I want to know that we can celebrate our 5th year together next year.

We may not have all the money in the world to pay for a fairy tale wedding in Greece but I believe when it all comes down to what matter, we’re willing to spend what’s worth in keeping us alive.

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A feminist mother of 3 who thinks she can write.

3 thoughts on “What’s Your Price?

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