Posted in Parenting

Try Next Exit

Even with my first baby, I have prepared myself for a normal delivery.

I’ve done as much as I could to ease and promote normal delivery, like Kegel exercise and perineum massage. I know that normal delivery is painful (now, that is probably an understatement) and most mothers now opt for cesarean but it’s something that I want to feel and I feel very strongly about this.

Some of my friends opt for cesarean because they don’t want the vaginal area to get roomier after a normal delivery. Some do not want to go through the pain and couldn’t imagine having to feel such excruciating pain known to (wo)men. And mostly because emergency cesarean had to be performed.

My water broke about 2 weeks before my due. And even after inducing labor, my cervix didn’t dilate at all since it’s still not mature for delivery. Since I’ve been induced for almost 8 hours, the doctor decided to perform an emergency cesarean for me. I was really disappointed because I have set my mind for a normal delivery even though we find out that I had Group B-Strep (GBS) during my 32nd week of pregnancy. With this, my practitioner already advised that he’s not going to risk normal delivery if situation doesn’t allow it. I took this openly enough, hoping to all hopes that I will be able to deliver normally.

So now with my second baby due any time, I still want to go for a normal delivery. Somehow, I feel that with normal delivery, I will feel like a complete woman.

I don’t know if this makes sense but it’s a sense primal instinct that I feel when I’m pregnant. It’s as though it will complete this cycle of me as a woman.

Having a baby is a wonderful experience for a woman.

There used to be a time where the adage “once a cesarean, always a cesarean” applied to women who has had cesarean. This was also one of the things that prevent me from wanting a cesarean because although I do not plan to breed a soccer team, I would like to think that I will have at least one chance of normal delivery with the children I’m going to bear Mohen.

Naturally, this time around, I read as much as I can on VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).

During my prenatal visits, I discussed with my practitioner about having normal delivery. She explained to me in detail the risk of VBAC and why it’s risky for those who has had cesarean. Although it sound harmless enough (1% of rupture risk), she was serious and stressed on the point that I need to thoroughly understand the risk.

I don’t know much about medical but 1% can’t be that bad, can it?

Apparently it can.

Since my uterine muscles have been cut before, it creates a point of weakness, even though it was proven to fully heal. These muscles, during contractions, can stretch and distort and this is the cause of the rupture. As much, or as little, as 1% sounds, muscle rupture is never something to take lightly about. It can be messy to repair and the pain will probably last me for years.

Again, I don’t know how I feel about this.

Of course at the end of the day, the most important thing is to deliver Sophia safe and sound and to have her healthy, no matter which method of delivery it is. My practitioner advised me that I shouldn’t let my personal feelings get in the way of the baby’s condition. I know this already but at the back of my mind, I feel scared if one cesarean follows another, wouldn’t that keep my uterine muscles always at it’s weakest and ruin the chance of me having a normal delivery?

My mother had a normal delivery exactly 2 years after her first cesarean.

It’s almost 3 years after my cesarean and I should be fine. Still, my current practitioner will not push for me to be in labor for too long for fear of scar rupture. She said 8 hours is all she’s giving me and if I exceed that, it will be another cesarean for me.

8 hours sounds like too short a time for me to be in labor before being wheeled into the operation room. I thought labor lasts for hours on end and sometimes more than a day. I know that every labor and birth is different even for the same woman but I can’t help but worry.

I know I shouldn’t worry.

It’s not in my hands to finally decide how I give birth.

But I just really hope I will be able to feel what normal delivery is like, even for just this one time.



A feminist mother of 3 who thinks she can write.

3 thoughts on “Try Next Exit

  1. No matter how the baby makes its appearance, you are still a woman and a mom. VBAC is wonderful when it works out, and you might allow a decent trial of labor at home before heading to the hospital, but even if your body has other ideas about how it wants to produce your child, you’ve still won.


    1. Aw, thanks for this. I know no matter how I deliver my daughter, it will not make me less of a woman or a mom.

      It’s just I really really want to feel the pains of normal deliver.

      I’ll hope for the best! And thanks for your comment ~


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