Posted in Marriage, Motherhood, Relationship

But You’re Pregnant…

If you’ve read my post about sex during pregnancy, then you would know how I feel about it.

If you haven’t, I suggest you read it first before continuing with this one. Your Mileage May Differ may give you an idea on how I feel about sex while being pregnant.

But what I have never really talked about is what happens to Mohen or what he is going through while I’m pregnant.

A pregnant woman

I don’t pretend to know because most of the times, well, he doesn’t tell me.

Unless I make him talk about it, then I would get a glimpse of what he’s thinking or feeling. As much as we are able to talk to each other about anything, it is sometimes hard to get Mohen to talk because he’s such a private person, even with me.

As it was with my other pregnancies, we are going through that stage where sex is getting far and between.

Now that I’ve been pregnant often enough to know what Mohen’s reactions are at this stage, I am more relaxed and tend not to overreact when he says no. I said in the post mentioned above that I expected him to understand how I behave sexually during pregnancy since we’ve gone through that stage several times.

But our relationship is so much better now that I know what to expect and respect his sexual behavior during the time I’m pregnant. I can’t believe it takes us 3 pregnancies to actually mutually understand each other’s sexual behavior. You would think sex is just sex and what’s so complicated about it.

However, there is another part of this stage that makes me really uncomfortable.

Because sex between us now is less often, Mohen sometimes, well, find another outlet to release his sexual urges.

I don’t think many men would be surprised to know if I say that Mohen sometimes masturbate instead of making love to me and I think many women would understand why it makes me uncomfortable.

I have read enough to understand that even though a man has a healthy and robust sex life, he still masturbates from time to time. It is a natural thing to do and there is nothing wrong with it at all.

But for a woman, to know that your partner masturbates when you are readily available for sex whenever he needs it, is almost as bad as being cheated on.

It’s ridiculous, of course. Even I can tell.

Because with cheating it would mean that they are sleeping with another person. And this is not even a person we’re talking about. It is still a body part that belongs to your partner so how on Earth can that be considered cheating?

We don’t know why or how and we can’t explain it either.

All we know is when we find out that our partner masturbates, especially when we are pregnant, it makes us feel ugly, unattractive, cheated and to some extend, maybe even betrayed.

As for me, I didn’t feel all that but it did make me feel useless.

Even when I’m not pregnant, I know that Mohen sometimes masturbate because well, simply put, he is a man.

In fact, we talked about it before and we both know that he does it sometimes.

I am completely fine with it and he is completely comfortable with the fact that I know he does it. And I have always been proud about us because we are able to know, understand and accept each other’s sexual behavior without being defensive or difficult about it.

It’s just that to know that it happens when I’m pregnant, is just, devastating.

I know that he does it because he has the urges while I’m going through one of many pregnancy woes and he doesn’t want to hurt me further.

In fact, I should be happy that he is sensitive to what I am going through and respects my pregnant body and understands the pain enough to not be selfish and make advances on me anyway.

And I know it’s ridiculous for me to feel useless when Mohen chooses to masturbate instead of making love to me because he is being considerate.

I know he knows he can make love to me whenever he wants because sex during pregnancy was never ruled out by our ob-gyn since both me and our baby are healthy but I don’t know why the thought of him masturbating when I’m pregnant just bothers me so much. You would think it should bother me more when I’m not pregnant because sex shouldn’t be a problem at all then but it really does bug me more during pregnancy.

I guess it’s just the hormones and the bulging belly and the constant back pain and the frequent toilet trips that makes me feel bothered.

He always says that I might feel fine for sex before the sex but I might feel the pain after it and then he would feel guilty for going ahead with it and it will stressed him out. I know he is right but at the same time I hate that we’re not taking the risk to give a sex a go because for all we know, I might still feel fine after it. And Mohen’s argument will always be, What if you won’t?

Sometimes I think I’m just being selfish about my own need without considering that Mohen is saying no not to me, but to the situation that I’m going through. Just because we always have sex like a bunch of college kids doesn’t mean we can’t hang in there for a few weeks until we get through this pregnancy. Especially now I’m already at 35 weeks.

I don’t even know why I’m talking about this.

Maybe it’s more about me wanting to get over this pregnancy rather than being bothered about what Mohen does when he can’t make love to me.

But I am after all 35 weeks pregnant. I tend to get emotional and snappy about everything.

Advertisements

Author:

A feminist mother of 3 who thinks she can write.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s