Posted in Children, Motherhood, Parenting

Pushed

As I’m writing this, Damien is breastfeeding. He has been cluster feeding today that I thought I would lose my mind.

Although there’s that bond everyone is talking about when it comes to breastfeeding, I feel cluster feeding really does push a mother’s sanity to the edge. I have not left the bed, much less left the room for the whole day except to go the bathroom to wash my face because I feel like if I breastfeed for a minute longer, I will probably gouge my eyes out.

Damien sleeps for long hours.

I know how newborns are not really supposed to be doing that but his max is about 4 hours so that’s sort of acceptable according to our doctor. Even so, I try to catch him during his REM (rapid eye movement) sleep and wake him up for a feed after 3 hours. Neither of my two kids slept as long as Damien does when they were newborns so I’m always anxious about letting Damien sleep.

It’s weird that I have to wake up a sleeping baby when everybody knows babies love to sleep. My mom doesn’t believe in waking up newborns to feed because she said they will wake up if they are hungry. But I know that if I don’t wake Damien up my breasts will swell because the milk is not drained and he is supposed to be doing that. I guess it really is about being cruel to be kind sort of situation when it comes to waking up a sleeping newborn for a feed.

The things is, I’m afraid Damien might have jaundice because the whites of his eyes are tinged with yellow albeit barely noticeable. And I know jaundiced babies are sometimes too lethargic to wake themselves up for a feed thus missing the vital nutrients they need to combat the jaundice at this early stage of life.

I’m bringing Damien for a check up tomorrow. I just really hope he is okay.

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Author:

A feminist mother of 3 who thinks she can write.

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