Things have gone from bad to worse since my last post.
Then it went from bad to a little better and good and then bad and then worse.
I’m really confused with the things that I have to do at home with the kids. For one, I can’t seem to know what to do first. Then even if I do know, I don’t get to do it because everything else happens at the same time at the wrong places. Just the other day, I literally feel suffocated.
Damien is going to be 3 months soon (that quick, huh?) and he has seemed to get day and night mixed up. He would be all sleepy in the morning right up to late evening. Then after his evening bath, he would be wide awake until 2am sometimes. I mean, what’s that about? I’m really glad that he sleeps in the afternoon because that’s when I get to do all the housework and looking after Eros and Sophia.
But by nighttime, I’m spent and I felt like crawling to my bed. And that’s when Damien will be wide awake. It’s okay if he just lies on the bed and roll around entertaining himself but nooooo. I have to pick him up and play with him. It was fun for like the first 30 minutes but when my eyelids get heavy, he seems to be wanting more. I can’t put him down next to me either. He likes to sit up and look around. I mean, I can’t blame him for being curious but at 3-freaking-am?
I feel like I seriously need a break.
Because now, I feel like doing what I do has become obligatory and it’s no longer something that I enjoy doing or something that I get satisfaction from. I feel like I have to do it and I hate that. I don’t want to feel as though I have to look after my kids, I hate to feel like I have to cook for the family. I mean, I know I have to because no one else would but feeling forced into doing it is just, well, sucks.