Another few days to 2014.
Where the heck did the time go? I remember when I was little feeling like the year will never end. Now I didn’t even know where each day went.
Despite waking up every morning not knowing whether I can make it through the day with so many things happening around me and challenging me to push through harder than the day before, I’m glad that I always wake up to people that I love – my kids and Mohen.
As I grow older, my new year resolutions get less fancy. I used to want to travel to certain countries before the year ends. I used to want to be able to play the violin before the year ends. Now I just want to make it through the day so my kids have something to eat and so that I’m given another chance to wake up the next day.
Am I scared of 2014?
For the first time in my life, I’m scared of the future. For the first time I feel that fear of not knowing what’s going to happen next. For the first time, I’m scared of “seizing the day”.
While there were so many people that helped me through 2013, I felt that I’ve done my share in helping others too. I helped a depressed friend who was on the verge of suicide, I helped a grieving mother who felt like she wasn’t good enough to be one, I helped a friend who felt he’s worth nothing in this world.
I know I don’t ask anything in return in helping others but I wonder who’s going to save me in 2014. I have never counted on anyone else but myself to make something happen but to be frank, I’ve never felt helpless and hopeless as I did this year.
I guess for 2014 I just want to be able to breathe easy again, to laugh genuinely again, to feel light again and to see Mohen smile again.
I hope I’m strong enough for 2014.