I’ve been going through a lot lately. These things have made me edgy, stressed, and quick to temper. I realized these so most of the times, I tried to tone them down, but there were
once or twice several times that I lost it.
However, one of the things that was very obvious was how I didn’t want to be touched.
As a mother of 3 very young kids, this is almost impossible. My kids are very affectionate and they like to cuddle, lean, and/or touch me. On good days, I’m proud of this because I would like to believe it’s a reflection of how they’re brought up in a home full of love and affection. But on days that I’m stressed, I find this to be too much. I would recoil when one of them leaned against me or I give them a quick hug when they tried to cuddle. I know they might feel weird or even hurt when I do that, but I just feel like there’s just too much of this cuddly lovey dovey stuff.
I don’t have to tell you how this made me feel guilty as hell, but by God, I just don’t want to be touched.
I know people say when I’m older I would miss the times my kids would sit on my lap as we watch Monsters, Inc. for the 100th time. I know they say that I would cherish the moment when my kids still want to hug and kiss me because before I know it, they would be the ones who didn’t want to be touched.
Am I crazy? Am I selfish? I don’t know. But I know what I feel about being touched while I’m stressed and I know it’s unfair to my kids, but I also know there’s nothing I want more than to be left alone.