while he is sleeping

I got the chance to look at Mohen while he sleeps this morning.

Watching him for half an hour while he sleeps makes me think about a lot of things about him, us, his past and my own past. It was amazing how things turned out for the both of us. As I watched him sleep, I was thinking of the many things that we have to go through right now, the things that we went through before and also the things that we will face.

I don’t think I have ever felt so lucky in life before. I mean, for almost as long as I could remember, I have always been this angry person that is mad at her life, at her parents, at her God – almost everything else possible. And I have certainly never felt lucky.

Mohen makes me feel that way.

I know that both of us sometimes try so hard to make our relationship work when the bad times come in torrents, but I know that we will always find a way somehow. It wasn’t easy talking about our past and all but we managed to work it out. I guess I understand now why God never allowed us to sleep with someone else before we are married because sometimes, without us being able to help it, we will think about the times our partner had with the other person.

While I was watching him sleep, I can’t but help to not only think but also imagine the times when Mohen was sleeping with the other girls. I can’t help but see in my mind what he did to her, how they moved together and all the things that he had done with or to her but maybe not yet with me. I was thinking that if I could imagine all these things, he too could as easily think and imagine about it.

Then I brought myself back to where I was. I have always lived for the here and now, right? So I told myself that what’s important is that where is Mohen now. He is with me, heart and soul. Sometimes I do wonder about his body because he is practically oozing with sex appeal and it’s hard for other girls not to have that. For that part, I made it clear to him that I trust him and if he ever violates that, as long as I didn’t catch him red-handed, I will pretend everything is ok.

I know that Mohen belongs to me just by watching him while he is sleeping.

bee in merdeka sky

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